shopping

at the shopping centres Normally when I go into the shopping centre I tend to stress about the way I look and the way I dress. I experience always just trying to go in and get out as soon as everythings done. It's not just the shopping either it's all the time when I'm 'alone' without someone next to me that I begin to stress when I'm out in public generally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarrassed about the clothes that I wear when going out in public

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about the way I dress, the way I look when I'm around people at public places

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus so much about the way I dress and the way I look when I'm out and about in public

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have clothes that cost a lot of money to define myself as 'having' a lot of money by what I'm wearing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be attractive in what I wear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to dress attractively instead of comfortably

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to look rich by wearing clothes that cost a lot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the cost of my clothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have desired to look as though I'm rich by what I wear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so dependant on what I wear to define me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the clothes that I wear in public

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to impress those around me with what I'm wearing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to attract positive experiences/reactions from others so I can then experience positive experiences within myself when getting those reactions from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want the positive experience that I create within myself to project onto others so that I can experience this positive experience when I'm around others and 'enjoy' myself as this positive experience that I create around people and pretend that I'm happy with who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to experience the positive experience of 'being happy with who I am' to define myself and project this 'being happy with who I am' out on to the world around me to make it look like it's 'attractive'

I commit myself to stop seeking/desiring the positive experience of 'being happy with who I am' when who I am isn't that experience of 'being happy'

I commit myself to stop defining myself by this 'attractive experience' when being around others and just be aware in the moment with breath

I commit myself to stop desiring/wanting to experience this 'attractive experience' onto what I wear by projecting this experience out onto the moment and defining the experience by that what I wear, when it's just a projection that I create within myself to look upon the physical as this 'attractive experience'

When and as I see myself desiring this 'being happy with who I am' when I'm around others. I stop and I breathe. I realize this experience that I seek is just me trying to create a point where I don't have to change myself of who I am around others when who I am around others as this positive experience is not who I am as it's just a experience that I created within myself to make myself seem more attractive and projecting the attractive experience onto those around me, which is a point of blame, as defining myself as those who I project the 'positive experience onto, to be 'attractive' when really it's just an experience that i've created myself to 'enjoy' the experience of 'being happy with who I am '  

I realise that i'm creating this experience

Lately I've noticed that when I'm chatting to someone online and I say something to them and immediately when I see that a few minutes have gone by I start to become impatient and start expecting a reply from that person and if I normally don't receive that reply I get bored of waiting for it.

When I get replies immediately I am able to write more on the topic that we're talking about, so then I'm able to add more and talk more when that person replies to me and so that makes me able to talk more with that person which I enjoy doing because I believe that person is cool and so I get to talk about myself more and more and enjoy the experience of talking to that person more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become bored with waiting for replies when talking to someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient when waiting for someone to reply to me

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be patient when waiting for someone to reply to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect a reply immediately after I have said something to a person that I'm chatting with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pursue the conversation by adding more when someone hasn't replied to me where I had expected them to and then become more overloading the conversation by adding more on top to expect the other person to reply again to what I have said and just continuing my impatience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overload the conversation with more of explaining myself instead of allowing the other to have time to reply/talk

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk more after not receiving a reply when I expected a reply, but didn't receive a reply to my first lot of words, therefore adding more and still not getting a reply to my words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect a conversation to go on forever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not accepted the end to a conversation and move on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect enjoyment when talking with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience of enjoyment when talking to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire/want to talk to others to experience the positive experience of enjoyment that I create within myself when talking with others

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to develop self-intimacy with myself as the same enjoyment that I create when talking to others

I commit myself to when having a conversation to not be impatient when waiting for a reply, and to accept that if someone doesn't reply then, they don't have to.

I commit myself to instead of overloading and continuing to talk over and over even after not getting a reply the first time to talk more expecting eventually that that person would reply to me, I just stop and accept that they don't have a reply to what I'm saying.

I commit myself to start developing a relationship of self-intimacy with myself instead of searching for the enjoyment experience that I create, desire/want seek/search for when communicating with others

When and as I see myself becoming impatient with not receiving a reply after a few minutes. I stop and I breathe. I realise that having expectations of a person to reply immediately is not going to help in the situation of me 'having that person reply' therefore I accept that they don't have a reply and I move on.

When and as I see myself expecting a reply immediately, I stop and I breathe, I realise that having this expectation of another to reply immediately doesn't allow me to give time to allow that person to reply and if that person doesn't have a reply to what I've said I don't continue talking Until they reply and if that person doesn't have a reply. I Stop I breath. I leave it at that and move on.

When and as I see myself creating the enjoyment experience of talking to another. I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am creating this experience from a point of desire within myself that I project onto others and I take that point and instead of projecting the desire/want of the enjoyment experience with others, I give that to myself as self-intimacy in developing a relationship with myself

'Wanting to do other things besides writing'

I'd be ready to write and then I'd have not wanted to do it because I'd think that I'd screw up the writings instead of having them make sense and actually have them change me. I'd put it off further by having/choosing to postpone writing with pictures of doing something else that I would rather want to do like 'reading' and or 'playing games'. Also When I'm writing I'd fidget with things Like 'cutting a piece of paper with scissor' Swing on the chair' 'Touch a lamp that i've touched more then 5 times in a row ' Stare out the window' 'Look at other things on my desktop' 'Get distracted by cars going past' 'Swing my leg' 'turn around and look at pictures on the wall'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself by cutting a piece of paper with scissor as a distraction while trying to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself by swinging on the chair as a distraction from me trying to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself by touching a lamp continuously as a distraction from me writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stare out the window watching cars go past allowing it to be a distraction from me writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself by looking at others things on my desktop instead of doing what I am spose to be doing which is Writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get distracted by cars going past while I am trying to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from writing by swinging my leg on a chair when I'm trying to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continuously turn around and not face the screen when writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to play games a as a distraction from writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to read instead of writing, so I can be distracted from writing, and be lost in reading without having to think about writing where I continue reading and not remembering about what I have to do which is write because its part of my whole process as writing myself to freedom

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose playing a game over first writing myself to freedom

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone writing when I decide to actually write then go ahead and postpone it by trying to put it off and do other things like reading and playing games

I commit myself to stop postponing my writings and actually have a certain time of day to do actually write myself out daily on things I want to change in my life

I commit myself to stop getting distracted when in the middle of writing

When and as I see myself putting my writings off for wanting to instead do other things like reading and playing games I stop and I breath. I realise that my writings are an essential part of my process that needs to be done daily for my process

When and as I see myself getting distracted in the middle of writing I stop and I Breath.. I direct myself to continue writing and I don't stop until all points are covered for what i'd want to change in my daily life